I have had a problem with writing anything deep for a few days now, and it’s not because of a lack of inspiration (a lot of things inspire me), it’s just that my emotions have been unstable.
Over the years I have made fun of my friends who get themselves in friends with benefits relationships, insulted those who want to initiate it because I have always found it disgusting. Little did I know that someone I hold very dear will initiate it. I believe that if we both have feelings for ourselves we should be in a relationship, not tagging ourselves friends with benefit.
If you are reading this, and you find yourself in friends with benefits relationship, my dear, YOU DESERVE BETTER. If you are in love with a person with whom you have a friendship/sexual relationship, who is kind, compassionate and a “good friend”, but is unable to reciprocate your adoration, it can be extraordinarily painful to navigate that relationship in a way that is not consuming for you.
During the duration of this supposed friendship, there is a 99.9% chance you are going to loose yourself. You’ll be consumed by this relationship, confused all the time and you’ll continue to infuse life into it all the time at the detriment of your sanity.
I always say something when it comes to knowing your stand in a relationship: Anger is good, hate is good, but confusion is the death of you. I don’t mean you should hate someone, but when you feel hate, you can recognise the feeling as hate. But when you are confused, you can’t explain what you feel, you are happy, angry, sad etc all at the same time. This can make you lose your sanity. And no one is worth losing your sanity for. You even get confused with what you deserve, making it hard to find the right man/woman for you.
The difference between this and an affair, however, is that one person typically has feelings, while the other is biding their time until the perfect match comes along. If you believe there is a perfect person for you out there, then you are in La La land, my friend. Perfect doesn’t exist, and if that’s what you’re waiting for, you’ll be waiting forever.
If you know somebody is not long-term potential, you shouldn’t f*** them for a long period of time. You are taking up space where the right person can fit in. If you know you view somebody as long-term potential, but they don’t feel the same, run, because you’re letting them take up the space that should be filled by a potential real partner.
We glorify the idea with movies like “When Harry Met Sally,” “Friends with Benefits” and “No Strings Attached.” What happens at the ends of all those movies? Oh, yeah. They end up together. This only happens a few times in real life, so don’t think your current “situationship” is going to be like that.
It hurts when a lot of women believe all they deserve is a situation like this, Ladies, stop wasting your eggs on these no good men. They don’t deserve you.
In the past, men and women would work together to become better versions of themselves through partnership and commitment. But now, it’s like none is ready for commitment. There is always one excuse or the other.
I even got one recently, “We are good together, but I can’t fit a relationship in my schedule right now.”
Now, this is funny because you want me to be a girlfriend to you, but you don’t want to call what we have a relationship? I am just confused.
If the two of you are cool with a fling or affair, by all means, carry on as you were. The main issue when it comes to friends with benefits is that usually, one-half of the pair wants something more, whether from that person or life in general.
Many women will keep men in the friend with benefits zone because they aren’t perfect on paper. Just as often, guys will pass up potential mates based on what their friends think is hot. While there’s a myriad of reasons why people deem others not dateable if you are in a sex only “situationship”, it’s better to reexamine your situation and know you deserve better.