There are two things in life that you cannot achieve without closing a bit of your eyes: peace and love – Shimon Peres
Most young ladies dread having mother-in-laws, this is mainly because of awful stories of mother-in-laws. And yes, Nigerian mother in laws are really dramatic. For men, this post is also very important because the two most important women in your life that can either make or ruin you. As a single lady, you don’t have to pray that your fiance’s mother dies before you get married. NO. Learn the tactics of dealing with a mother-in-law.
So let’s examine how you can achieve peace and love with a Nigerian mother-in-law;
1. It’s Not Rivalry; it’s complementary
A major challenge mother-in-laws have is sharing the affection of their son with another woman. They feel insecure the wife has come to take their position. This trend may have something to do with age -perhaps you will feel the same way at that age. So be the wise one, be the logical one. He’s your man, you deserve his attention. But he is also her son. So keep it balanced. Show her some love. Don’t be threatened by her presence. Let her know you are not stealing her son’s attention from her. Nigerian mother in laws and their sons love to communicate. Promote this without being jealous.
2. Never Ever Live in a Family House
I feel like screaming this right now. When he wants to marry you but tells you he that can’t afford to rent and apartment, stand on the roof of a four storey building, slide your head to the back, open your mouth wide and shout NO. The biggest mistake you can ever make is going to join your husband and his mother in her house. You tend to look like a stranger who has come to steal her son. You will also lose your prestige. So save yourself the future headaches by avoiding this, Maintain your prestige with distance. Accept your mother-in-law’s visits to your own home with love.
3. Stay in Your Lane
Both you and your mother in law have roles to play in your husband’s life. Understand this. Don’t ever go to the extent of asking him to choose between you and his mother. You should be able to differentiate between maternal love and spousal love, that’s what makes you a wife. Your roles are different. Diligently keep your home leaving your mother-in-law out of it.
4. Try to Understand Her
Try to understand and deal with her personality. Get as much information as possible about her. Know your mother-in-law’s preferences, understand her thinking, discover what she likes. Try to make her laugh no matter how angry she is.Find out those things that really makes her go gaga with fury. Such a job should not be too much for you to do for a woman you will be stuck with for years. But be a detective and not a spy. Stylishly ask your husband for tips about her.
5. Respect Her
The connection between mothers and their boys is so high they get carried away especially when the wife isn’t too good (in terms of behaviour and care). To be respectful does not mean you should become a slave or servant. You are a wife and you must always maintain your dignity. Do not be rude but be firm. If you love and respect your husband, you will have no problem with this. If you arrogant or downright disrespectful, you will have a lot of challenges with this. Respecting your in-laws is very crucial as it will help in stabilising your own marriage. Take time to communicate with her and visit her. As much as possible avoid arguments with her.
6. Encourage Him to Take Good Care of Her
He is a man, then let him be a real man. Have her needs in your family budget monthly. Consider it as sacred. Never make her have the fear of abandonment in old age. You can personally meet some of her needs if you have the ability to. Make sure your husband dutifully performs his roles and fulfils his responsibilities as a child to parents. You will be laying a very good foundation for your own kids doing this. You need to be very firm and insistent on this. The fact that he is madly in love with you does not mean he should forget his source. Remind consistently him when he drifts off.
7. Pray, Pray, and Pray
That’s the only solution. You can never know the kind of mother in law you would have. Even if you are not in a relationship now, pray for your man, pray for his family and his mother in whatever name you believe in just pray. And if you already have a mother-in-law, pray her heart to be warm towards you. But be very kind to her as well.