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Home / LIFESTYLE / My Opinion: ‘On Becoming’ by Toke Makinwa

My Opinion: ‘On Becoming’ by Toke Makinwa


First of all, I want everyone to know that this is not a book review. Plus I have not joined the club of vultures picking at whatever shred of dignity this lady still has. I just want to point out a few lessons I think everyone should learn from her experience.

I also want to reprint my famous words in your mind, “say something nice to people you meet, you don’t know what they are going through”. Forget the plastic smiles and cosmetic appearances you see. People are hurting.

Here we go,

  1. It does not matter what life throws at you, you have the final say. Your roots don’t really matter, your destination is the reference point.
  2. Don’t believe everything you see on social media, people only tell you to what they want you to know. They were happy pictures on social media, who would have guessed that there were lots of tears underneath all the posing and fake smiles?
  3. Stop comparing yourself with others, you don’t know half of what they’re going through.
  4. Never let a relationship define you. Never ever give a man or a woman the power to be your mirror. I mean to say see yourself through your eyes, not through their eyes.
  5. Even when you love, be yourself. Don’t go out of your way to make someone love you or to “keep your marriage”. Most times you end up forgetting who you actually are because you are trying to be what someone else wants you to be. Be Yourself! Anyone who genuinely loves you will be with you as you are.
  6. Don’t record sex tapes or send nude pictures. It’s not worth it. Take a moment to think of what will happen if that tape were to fall into the wrong hands. Am sure its not something she is proud of but she did it for the supposedly right reasons. I simply maintain that no reason is reason enough.
  7. Marriage is not a do or die affair, forget what the society is making it out to be. It is better for you to be single and happy than to be married and miserable.
  8. Don’t Assume that marriage will make everything go away, it’s not true. Marriage actually brings out the real character. Open your eyes, see the red flags and act accordingly.
  9. Divorce is not the end of the world. If it comes down to Divorce, please go through the divorce, give yourself time to grieve and then pick up the remaining pieces of your life and move on.
  10. You can’t eat your cake and have it.
  11. Get friends that will be with you through thick and thin. You need a support system.
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I just really want to emphasize on getting a support system. Surround yourself with the ride or die friends not only when the going is good friends. In fact, you should be able to point out exactly what kind of friends you have. Be with people who will tell you the truth no matter how bitter it is.

Don’t be ashamed to admit that you need help. Don’t give us the fake everything is fine smile while you are hurting. If you can’t open up to your friends, get help but don’t go through tough times alone.

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No one deserves to have to go through life alone, especially you.


Don’t just read her book and be sarcastic or say it serves her right. Read in between the lines.

Learn from her mistakes so you don’t end up in the same kind of web.


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