Remember when you and your partner were first dating? At one point, you had these puppy eyes each time you looked at each other, it was hard to steer your eyes away from each other and when you saw a couple with a strain in their relationship and said to yourselves “We’ll never be like that”. Are you still saying that now?
One of the hardest things that most of us face in a long-term relationship is that the initial spark in the relationship fades. This is an entirely natural part of settling into a relationship; the initial rush of passion fades and what was once very intense and exciting becomes calm and placid. So, the greatest problems a couple can face; how to have a stable and secure relationship, and ignite the spark.
Different couples have different reasons for their dying passion. Usually, there are a lot of reasons for not having enough time to spend together. That might be because of long distance, seemingly incompatible work schedules or simply their needs. And what might have been done in a temporary state unconsciously becomes a habit. It’s a spiral really, the excuse becomes “tomorrow,” or “next week,” or “when things are settled. Less time spent together then leads to a loss of intimacy, which in turn to a loss of attraction. Yet igniting the spark is possible. Here are 4 ways to ignite the spark in your relationship:
1. Be Attentive To Each Other
It’s very easy to get into the habit of ignoring your partner and taking them for granted. But one of the best things you can do to help ignite the spark in a relationship is to start being attentive to each other. This doesn’t have to mean making a special effort to start cooking dinner and cleaning the house every night. It simply means talking (and really listening) to each other.
Try to avoid the obvious topics of work. Instead, talk about things you each love – those kinds of things you talked about when you first started dating … anything to reconnect with each other. Why? Because when people are in a long term relationship, they tend to forget about each other’s day to day desires and interests and focus on the ‘important’ things like money and work. Which often leads to a disconnection between each other and the spark can die away.
2. Mind Your Manners
This is one of the things that kill the spark in most relationships. After a long time, you become so familiar with each other that you begin to take each other for granted. For many people, if they spoke to their friends the way they speak to their partners, they wouldn’t have too many friends left. The tone we use and the words we choose can have a profound impact, both positive and negative, on the quality of our relationship. So it’s extremely important that we manage our emotions, which requires self-awareness, self-control, commitment, and maturity. Remember to always consider your own thoughts, feelings, and needs so that you are able to communicate respectfully when your emotions are triggered.
3. Sex, Sex, and More Sex
Most times, as the spark dies in a relationship, so does your sex life. Because when you think about, you need to at least like someone to want to have sex with them, and if you spend most of your day resenting your partner, it’s going to be hard jumping into bed with them. But sex is a vital means of connection between couples. And when the sex dies away, so can much of the intimacy in your relationship.
I know there are a lot of opinions about sex in a relationship, but in my own opinion, an active sex life keeps couples together and is one of the secret sauces to ignite the spark in a relationship. It promotes intimacy, reassurance, the realization that both parties are wanted and needed. Now I’m not saying you need to jump into bed every day, sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. You just need to know and find those moments of intimacy which only you share, and which bond you together.
4. Keep the Thrill
One of the biggest mistakes that you can make as a couple is to put the emphasis on your long-term maintenance on date nights at romantic restaurants trying to remind yourselves of what it was like when you started dating. Remember that while this may remind you of those moments from early in your relationship, it’s actually not what you want to ignite the spark in your relationship.
I’m not saying that romance is bad, but when it comes to rekindling passion, you don’t want “sweet” or “romantic”. You want excitement and thrill, and you’re not going to get it by trying to recreate the past. You want to do things that get your heart pumping and get your central nervous into overdrive. So sometimes you may want to skip the romantic dinners and do something daring.
So will doing these tips really make a difference? Well, why not try some of these tips… and see what happens! I’d love to hear your thoughts and if you have other tips, do share them in the comment section below
Thanks for reading.