I am sure you’ve heard things like:
“Men with no money should not be in relationships.”
“Men literally have one job. Don’t be broke. They don’t get pregnant. They don’t have kids. They’re bigger and stronger on average.”
“If you are broke and don’t have a job, what are you doing sweating on top of someone’s daughter.”
You probably agree with such saying, joked about it or even said things like these on numerous occasions. But have you ever stepped back and try to picture what’s in that broke guy’s head, or just put yourself in his shoes.
Picture a single, cash-strapped man in your mind; he could be a student, a recent graduate who is underemployed or unemployed, or a man who is simply in between jobs and currently searching for work. The man in your mind’s eye is very single, trying to get his life together, and like most single people of any socioeconomic reality, he wants to have a romantic connection with another person.
Yet he is constantly reminded that men of his kind have no business being in relationships.
This is a man constantly hearing that he needs to be successful before he finds love and brings value to a woman’s life. Because of this, he lives his life with a singular focus, realising that building something with a woman, is off the table. He believes his intrinsic worth must be actualized through establishing himself as a success, so he detaches himself from the prior goal of finding a compatible partner, to simply entertaining casual encounters until he’s “where he wants to be.”
My mum used to tell me something some years ago, find a man that’s Educated, Enterprising and Ambitious If he is broke now just know he won’t ever be poor. I used to laugh it off back then.
I have heard of so many experiences of women who stuck to their men when they were broke, but their men were Educated, Enterprising and Ambitious. They stuck with them till they realised their dreams and they built something with them.
I have come to see that society has come to value a man and tie his masculinity to his material possession, account balance and job title.
But here is the problem with this, this same man who refrained from building serious relationships with women when he was broke, now finds himself in casual “situation ships” with women who are interested in building a serious relationship with him now—but not solely due to the fact—that he’s more successful. But he turns them away because he has yet to achieve his requisite level of success—the same success he’s partially motivated to achieve because it would make him feel personally secure enough in his own value as a man to pursue a serious relationship.
Broke men hold no value in relationships, but the more successful some men become, the less value relationships hold to them. There are good deals of single, successful men out there who are only inclined to offer women flings, as opposed to substantive romantic connections.
The truth is single successful men have a serious dating conundrum: attempt to build with a woman and risk being labelled as a broke ass dater, or get successful now, leave serious dating on the back burner, and attempt to find love at a potentially less personally fulfilling time in their life.
A lot of men love the idea of growing with a woman. Men view this as an unmistakable act of loyalty, appreciation, faith, and love to witness a woman stick by us before we become anything of note. We all love stories about athletes, entertainers, and other influential men who have been with their woman through their broke days. There are so many examples of people like that, but women know that for every man in a story like this, there are about 80 men who have absolutely no inclination to better themselves.
Some men want “started from the bottom” love stories, while some just use stories like this for their own self-interested, manipulative purposes. Because of this ugly truth, women who work hard as hell to attain what they have in life want a man who is willing to work equally hard, so they avoid “unsuccessful” men.
This makes women go about evaluating a man’s innermost character traits like motivation, authenticity, and being a self-starter to determine if he’s truly worthy of invested time and emotion? Or does she skip over that stage to find herself a man who is already successful and interested in a serious relationship (which will probably be harder to find)?
But one thing is both men and women need to wholly evaluate our conceptualizations of success for ourselves and then communicate that to the people we want to date.